Love > Food | James Potter

This is a little James Potter oneshot I wrote for one of my friends based off a roleplay we did. We completely disregarded characters ages, so sorry for any confusion this might cause!

     It was a beautifully sunny Monday morning at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.  On this fine morning, there happened to be two Hufflepuffs sitting at the Gryffindor table, eating breakfast with a few of their Gryffindor friends.
        The female Hufflepuff's head was drooping slowly closer and closer towards the table, getting precariously close to her breakfast as she fell asleep. 
        Fred Weasley II had been watching Blaire Dosia for a few minutes and he decided that this was a good moment to carefully push her bowl of cereal underneath her face.
        Blaire's face splashed into her bowl, splattering cereal and milk across the table.  She awoke with a jolt to see Fred laughing at her.
        "Shouldn't you be at the Hufflepuff table?" He grinned.
        Blaire wiped some milk of her face with the back of her hand and said, "Ugh, nobody cares where you sit.  And besides, those badgers hate me after what I did to the common room."
        A Ravenclaw by the name of Evie Birch overheard and chose that moment to wander towards the Gryffindor table, and her Hufflepuff boyfriend, Teddy Lupin.  "Ooh, Blaire, what did you do?"
        Teddy patted the bench beside him and Evie wandered over to him, sitting and then leaning towards Blaire. "What did you do?"
        "Remember when America legalised gay marriage?" Blaire began slowly.
        "Who doesn't?" James scoffed.
        "I may or may not have hand painted everything rainbow in our common room."
        Everyone stared at Blaire in astonishment.
        "And the dorms."
        James threw back his head and began to laugh, "That's amazing!"
        Evie, being the sort of Ravenclaw she is, said, "You're going to get a detention for that."
        "That's brilliant!" Fred grinned widely, "Damn, I wish I was there!" Fred definitely took after his father and his namesake, he was quite the prankster.
        Evie glared at Fred, "Fred! Don't encourage her!" She tried to maintain her glare but it soon broke into a smirk.
        Teddy put an arm around Evie, "You Ravenclaws need to have a little fun."
        "Oh, we do."
        James shook his head disbelievingly, "Yeah?"
        "Yeah."
        Blaire broke in loudly, "What qualifies as fun for you guys, a study session?"
        "Blaire, don't be rude!" James said, "It's probably a night at the library, those crazy animals."
        "Guys!" Fred exclaimed, "Don't be so stereotypical! It's definitely getting ten weeks ahead in homework, isn't it?"
        Teddy smiled at the faces around him, "Okay guys, you've had your fun. Now I'm genuinely curious as to what Ravenclaws do for fun."
        Fred opened his mouth to say something but Blaire cut him off before he could draw breath. "Just let her speak!"       
        "Well-" Evie began.
        "Oh, I know! It's book shopping!" James exclaimed.
        Several in the small group broke into grins again, Teddy trying to hide his smile, but he ended up failing miserably.  Evie hit his arm lightly in mock offence and then started talking a little too loudly. "Once a month we have a party in the Room of Requirement with alcohol and everything!"
        Evie's voice carried exceptionally well as there was a bit of a lull in the conversation in the Great Hall.  A third year down the table had begun to stare.  "What are you looking at?" Fred asked rudely.
        "I don't believe you." James stated flatly.
        "Is that you guys?!" Blaire asked, astonished. "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO PARTY RIGHT BEFORE I HAVE A BIG GAME?"
        "I still don't believe you." James said, shaking his head. "Blaire just has supersonic hearing so all she probably hears is fornicating rabbits or something."
        "Bugger off!" Fred scowled at the still staring third year.
        "Can I come to this party?" Teddy looked at Evie, "Honestly, all Hufflepuffs do at a party is play board games and Twister."
        "But it's fun!" Blaire burst out.
        James stared laughing at how desperate Blaire sounded, "You're a loser."
        "No, you can't come, it's strictly Ravenclaws. The teachers gave us permission because we are trustworthy and responsible, unlike you Gryffindors." Evie sniffed imperiously.
        James snorted, "Bullshit."
        Teddy looked around hopefully, "I was nearly Ravenclaw...?"
        "No." Evie said bluntly.
        Fred stood up and started towards the third year menacingly and the third year jumped up and bolted out of the Great Hall looking completely terrified. "That's better." Fred said.
        "But seriously Blaire?" Evie sniggered, "Twister?"
        "They're too honest to smuggle in alcohol." James piped up.
        Evie looked offended, "We don't smuggle alcohol-"
        "You know, I still don't believe you."
        "Oh we have alcohol. What do you think makes the Monopoly fun?" Blaire said.
        "I know for a fact you nor any Hufflepuff would ever get drunk." James stipulated.
        "Oh, do you?" Blaire arched an eyebrow.
        "Board games will never be fun, no matter how drunk everyone is." Fred broke in.
        "I've been to the parties, and they are not fun." Teddy said miserably.
        "You've only been to one, which makes you un-loyal, which makes you a bad Hufflepuff." Blaire asserted.
        "Hufflepuff's parties can't be fun." James said.
        "Oh, yes they can. Once this really hot guy and I were playing Twister and he fell on me and we kinda fell asleep like that. Granted, I puked in the next hour but still." Blaire shrugged.
        James scoffed, "He couldn't have been that hot."
        "Doesn't it make you un-loyal if you hardly ever sit at your table?" Evie asked, looking pointedly at Blaire.
        "No one's hotter than me." James nodded firmly.
        "I'm honestly surprised you didn't do a hair flip just then, James." Teddy teased as James glared at him.
        "I'm hotter than you." Fred said.
        "Never." James gasped.
        "I agree with Fred," Evie raised her hand.
        "I abstain from the vote." Teddy said.
        Evie laughed teasingly, "Oooh, big word for a wittle Hufflepuff!"
        "I'm like the Hufflepuffiest person ever so no." Blaire said.
        "Who do you think is the hottest?" James asked looking at Blaire hopefully.
        "Hmmm..." Blaire thought for a second before pointing to the boy who fell on her at the Hufflepuff table. "That guy."
        James scowled in annoyance.
        "Wow, do you even know his name?" Fred laughed.
        "No, but I'll just call him 'Hot Guy That Fell Asleep on Me And I Puked On'." Blaire said as James' scowl grew even blacker.
        "Are you okay, James?" Fred asked, "You look constipated."
        "Mika Allman." Evie said suddenly.
        "Huh?" Fred asked.
        "Mika Allman." Evie repeated, "That's his name."
        "Oh."
        "How do you know these things???" Teddy asked.
        If it was possible, James scowled even deeper and said, "I'm fine, and she's a bloody Ravenclaw, that's how."
        Fred raised his eyebrows at James, "Woah there, mate."
        Teddy frowned and said, "Calm down, James, I wouldn't insult a Ravenclaw if I were you."
        Evie observed James curiously for a moment. "James. Why have you been staring at Blaire for the past ten minutes?"
        "Oh my God, do I have stuff in my teeth? i talked to Mika earlier and I swear if he saw me with stuff in my teeth-" Blaire began.
        James' scowl lessened slightly and said, "No, you look fine, I was... Just admiring your new haircut."
        "Oh. Thanks? I mean I got gum stuck at the tips and had to cut it but I didn't think anyone would notice..." Blaire said.
        "It's a little stalkerish you know these things, Evie." Teddy stated.
        "Well I think it's cool." Fred disagreed.
        Evie turned to Teddy and winked at him seductively, "Maybe I am a stalker."
        Teddy held up his hands in mock surrender, "Woah okay."
        Evie grinned.
        "Why did James notice Blaire got a haircut but the rest of us didn't?" Fred asked suspiciously.
        "Oh my God." Evie said.
        "Because I'm sitting closer to her, now just drop it." James said quickly.  A little too quickly.
        Blaire dropped her spoon and it clattered into the bowl in front of her.
        "You are literally the farthest away from her." Fred said.
        James stood up and walked around the table to sit next to Blaire. "No, I'm not."
        "Is no one going to acknowledge the fact I dropped my spoon when James said 'drop it'?" Blaire grinned.
        "Oh. My. God." Evie said again, looking between James and Blaire.
        James attempted to subtly kick Evie under the table to make her shut up, but he ended up kicking himself instead.
        Suddenly Fred's face lit up. "Wait-"
        Teddy looked at Evie, confused, "Evie, what are you doing?"
        Evie was grinning like a maniac and staring at James. "James, spill."
        "I don't know what you mean." James said.
        Evie leaned forwards, "Yeah, you do."
        Blaire subtly tipped over an empty cup. "James didn't, but I did."
        James looked at her with a dorky grin on his face.
        Teddy finally caught on and grinned at James. "Really, James?" He gestured at Blaire with his head, "That thing?"
        Blaire didn't notice what was transpiring because she was too busy laughing loudly at her own stupid joke.
        James smiled happily and looked at Blaire; "It's cute."
        "It has name, James." Evie said.
        James continued to smile at Blaire dorkily. "A cute name."
        "Blaire is so out of it right now." Evie said, looking over at Blaire who was still laughing stupidly at the fallen cup.
        "It thinks you're cute too." Fred said.
        James shook his head sadly, "No, it doesn't."
        "It has a name!" Evie repeated.
        "Why is no one else laughing?" Blaire asked, looking around the table. "This is hilarious, I spilled the cup and dropped the spoon, come on, guys."
        "I think it's funny!" James jumped to agree with Blaire.
        Teddy leaned towards Evie and whispered in her ear, "He's totally in love or something."
        "Am I missing something here?" Fred asked, looking towards James.  His eyes widened dramatically, "OH. OH MY GOD I SEE IT. WOW, DID NOT SEE THAT COMING."
        "My puns?" Blaire flicked her hair behind her shoulder, "Thank you very much."
        Evie shook her head at Blaire, "Egg."
        "You're puns are crap." Teddy laughed.
        "Teddy, don't be mean!" Evie smirked, "They're adorable."
        All this time James had been absently gazing at Blaire with a dreamy look in his bright brown eyes.  Evie successfully kicked him under the table. "Stop staring, or tell her!"
        Blaire finally seemed to have pieced together what was happening. "Tell me what?"
        "Uh, nothing." James said covering his eyes so he wouldn't stare.
        "Uh, okay?" Blaire said.
        Teddy looked at Evie and facepalmed.
        "Ugh." Fred grunted.
        "He likes you." Evie decided she might as well tell Blaire, because James obviously wasn't going to.
        "UH EVIE!" James said loudly.
        "Yes?" She asked innocently.
        "He what, huh." Blaire said looking between Evie and James bewilderedly.
        "NOTHING, SHE SAID NOTHING, UM EVIE IS DRUNK RIGHT NOW, DON'T LISTEN TO HER." James yelled.  This caused several heads to turn and most of the Great Hall was staring at the small group by now.
        Teddy was dying of laughter as Evie said, "Um, JAMES, pull yourself together!"
        "He likes you a LOT." Fred said decisively.
        "This is true." Evie agreed.
        "SHHHH, WHAT NO." James stage whispered. "EVERYONE IS SO DRUNK RIGHT NOW, NOTHING THEY SAY IS LEGIBLE."
        "But wouldn't that mean you're drunk too? That would mean anything you say isn't legible." Blaire asked.
        "Huh?" James looked slightly dazed.
        "Lawyered." Fred stated.
        "James, legible means writing that can't be read." Evie informed him.
        "UH, NO." He replied.
        "Uh, yes."
        Teddy hit James' arm lightly, "James!"
        "You what, mate."
        "James, you are literally sitting right next to her, she likes you too, kiss already." Evie was getting impatient with the lot of them.
        Blaire spluttered in astonishment.
        "THIS A CUTE MOMENT, EVIE. DON'T BE A SMARTASS RIGHT NOW." Fred yelled.
        James inched away from Blaire slowly. "I'm not right next to her."
        "Blaire, do you like James?" Teddy asked.
        "..."
        "Blaire?"
        "No ablo englais." Blaire replied.
        "Don't bullshit me, Blaire." Evie said.
        "EVIE, SHH!" Fred said again.
        James shuffled down the bench, further away from Blaire and bumped into a girl who was staring at them all.
        "Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiire." Evie whined.
        Blaire glared viciously at the girl that James had bumped into.
        "Oh my GOD, IM SO DONE." Teddy said looking at Evie.  "These guys are hopeless."
        ".... No ablo englais." Blaire repeated.
        Teddy sighed and began to bang his head on the table in despair.
        "Teddy! Don't do that!" Evie said, wrapping her arms around him so he was forced to stop.
        "Just for you, Evie." He said, then kissed her nose.
        "EEEWWW, GROSS NO PDA PLEASE, I'M TRYING TO EAT." Fred said disgustedly.
        James was by now attempting to subtly get up from the table while the girl he bumped into continued to stare at him dumbly.
        "JAMES SIT YOUR ASS BACK DOWN." Evie called.
        The staring girl mumbled under her breath, "His nice ass."
        "BITCH, DO YOU WANNA GO?" Blaire yelled.
        "FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT." Fred seemed to have forgotten about his food.
        Blaire stood up violently and started walking towards the girl, only to trip and fall ungracefully to the floor, then she stood up violently again, only to have James pull her down while laughing at her.
        "James! Let her fight!" Fred shook his head, disappointed.
        "BLAIRE, YOU SIT YOUR ASS BACK DOWN TOO!" Evie yelled.
        "Her ass is nice too." James said.
        Teddy started banging his head on the table again as Evie grabbed James' tie in one hand and Blaire's tie in the other, shoving their faces together. "KISS." She ordered.
        "DON'T KISS, EW!" Fred complained as Teddy paused in his banging to look up hopefully at Blaire who proceeded to awkwardly kiss James' nose.  By this point James was literally as red as a tomato.
        "EWEWEWEW!" Fred shrieked.
        "NOT GOOD ENOUGH!" Teddy whined.
        "TOO GOOD ENOUGH." Fred countered.
        "STOP BEING A CHILD, FRED." Teddy said, turning and kissing Evie's cheek while Fred was watching.  Evie turned towards him and kissed him full on the lips as Teddy forced Fred to keep watching.
        "EWEWEW STOP STOP STOP!" Fred yelled.
        James super awkwardly reached around behind Blaire and put an arm around her waist, his face still tomato coloured as Evie pulled away from Teddy and said, "You two are so cute, omg, now kiss him properly."
        Blaire awkwardly kissed James' forehead.
        Teddy sighed exasperatedly, "Properly."
        James awkwardly kissed Blaire's cheek.
        "Prop-"
        But Teddy never finished the word because at that moment a Slytherin girl marched towards the Gryffindor table and yelled; "OH FOR GOODNESS SAKE, I'VE BEEN WATCHING THIS FOR ALL OF BREAKFAST, JUST KISS ALREADY BEFORE CLASSES START." Then proceeding to shove their faces together.
        James spluttered dramatically as Fred winked and said, "Now that is cute."
        Evie and Teddy burst out laughing and Evie yelled to the retreating Slytherin girl, "THANK YOU!" But the girl just glared at them all and stormed out of the Great Hall.
        "She knows what's up..." Fred muttered, watching after the Slytherin girl.  We all know that he was looking at her ass.
        "Fred you pervert." Evie said as Blaire and James just stared blankly.
        Blaire peeked at James from behind her hair and then quickly pecked him on the lips again.
        "You guys are too cute, oh my God." Teddy said.
        "I think she's cute, what's so perverted about that?" Fred said to Evie, a little late."
        "Does no one else realize they're like meerkats or something?" Teddy asked.
        "Fred, you were looking at her ass." Evie ignored Teddy.
        "Guys, seriously, I mean, look at them!" Teddy continued.
        Evie turned to look at the couple just as James was tucking a strand of hair behind Blaire's ear.  "OH. MY. GOD. TEDDY I SEE IT!"
        "I TOLD YOU!"
        "She had a nice ass." Fred stated.
        "Fred, stay focused." Evie snapped her fingers at him.
        "Okay, okay sorry." He replied, staring intently at Blaire and James.
        Just then, the bell rang.
        "No. NO. NONONO." Teddy said as Blaire stood up to go to class and James stood up after her, taking her hand.
        "Bye, guys. And Fred, you go get that girl because 'love is an open doooooooooooooooor! Life can be so much m-" Blaire sang.
        "Okay, yeah bye." Fred cut her off and sprinted out of the Great Hall.
        Hearing the song Blaire has started singing, Evie began to bang her head on the table like Teddy had been doing earlier.  James laughed and pulled Blaire out of the Great Hall as Evie continued to bang her head on the table.
        "Come on Evie!" Teddy laughed heartily, picking her up bridal style and carrying her out of the Great Hall.  
       And you may not have known it before, but that's how a typical breakfast at the Gryffindor table goes.  Love is greater than food.