I’m sure everyone reading this has heard of the cliché, ‘Don’t judge a book by its cover’. Well no matter how many times someone tells you this, it’s just not possible. It’s an inherent human trait to judge things when we see them. Originally, it was drilled into us for survival. If you see a bear, you run away, you don’t hope it’s related to Winnie the Pooh and wait around for it to share its honey. When you first see a person, you automatically judge them on their outward appearance, even if it’s just subconsciously. If you saw someone in the street with piercings all over their face, or covered in tattoos, you would initially assume they aren’t very nice and they don’t like being told what to do. If you saw a teenage girl with a baby, you would most likely assume it’s hers and then you’d proceed to create your own inner narrative and label her a ‘slut’. Would you even consider that she might be babysitting them?
I’m not trying to shame you, I’m guilty of this snap judgement too. What I’m doing is informing you of this thing that we do as humans because knowledge is power, and once we recognise something that we do, we become aware of ourselves doing it, and that’s the first step to making ourselves stop.
You can see this kind of judgement every day. Just look around you at lunch time. Have you labelled certain groups, created their cliques in your head? It’s like a movie, you can see who you’ve labelled as ‘the geeks’, ‘the jocks’, ‘the popular girls’, ‘the misfits’. They may not have these exact titles, but that’s the bare basics of it.
But you know, the thing is, we act differently around different people. I’ve realised that I act how my peers, teachers and parents have come to perceive me. My teachers might think I'm hardworking, studious, and ambitious. My friends might think I'm nerdy, overdramatic, rambunctious, annoying. My parents might think I'm an extreme bookworm who usually gets pretty good marks. My online friends might think I'm a very sweet, kind person, who always knows exactly what to say. They made those quick judgments of me the first time I met them, and I’ve started to act like who they think I am around them. It feels to me like I was projecting a false image to all of those groups, because none of them were exactly who I am. Forgive me for referencing Harry Potter, but each one was assigning me a group- a Hogwarts House, per say. Teachers; Slytherin. Friends; Gryffindor. Parents; Ravenclaw. Online; Hufflepuff.
I do not fit into just one ‘house’, I might be mostly one house, but I don't just not have the traits of any other house. I am ‘every house’. The person I am and aspire to be isn't just what one group of people sees me as. I am so much more. I don't conform to one thing. No one conforms to one thing. Outwardly we may appear to conform to typical stereotypes and standards, but realistically, no one does. No one is normal. Define ‘normal’, you might ask, what even is ‘normal’? Do you want to know what the definition of 'normal' is? ‘Normal’ is an adjective meaning ‘conforming to a standard; typical; expected; society's standards'. I don't want to conform to society's standards! I want to be who I am. And that's exactly what I plan to do.
It's very important to me that I ask you to be who you want to be, find out who you are, embrace your quirks and flaws, and everyday work to be a better person than the person you were yesterday. You don't have to conform to a specific personality type. No one can tell you that you're Hufflepuff, Gryffindor, ENFJ, INFP, or anything else. No one can say you're Abnegation, Amity, Candor, Erudite, or Dauntless. Because the truth is, while, as a human, we all want to fit in and be part of a group, it's not being true to who we are.
Have you ever heard the Dr Seuss quote, ‘Why fit in when you were born to stand out?’ If you want to be placed in a house or a faction or a personality type, then that's your choice. But ultimately we are so much more than those placings. No one has a personality so small that they fit perfectly into one group and no other. We all branch into other groups and interconnect with each other's different traits. I don't want to be told I'm one thing, when really, I'm so many other things as well. From now on I'm going to be the person I want to be, the person I try to be, not the person everyone thinks I am, and I implore you to do the same. When we stop acting how others have judged us, we can begin to stop judging others.
Today we are going to figure out who we are. Today we are going to start being ourselves. Today I am going to be me. And I challenge you; find out who you are, and start being that person.
Until next time,
Helen xxx
